Mark Cuban shuts down lawsuit with hilarious brief

Posted on June 22, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

Ross Perot Jr. and Hillwood Investment Properties Ltd. should have seen this coming. Perot Jr., who owns a 5 percent stake in the Dallas Mavericks, filed a lawsuit in 2010 alleging that Mark Cuban was mismanaging the team and that the Mavericks were the “worst franchise” in professional sports.

That statement in and of itself is ludicrous — few owners put as much time and money into their sports franchises as Cuban. But it’s even more ridiculous when you take into account the Mavericks’ recent championship.

On Wednesday, Perot Jr. and Hillwood received Cuban’s glorious response: “Scoreboard. Bitch.”

Well, that’s not exactly the wording Cuban’s lawyer used in the brief filed in the district court of Dallas County. But once you work around the legalize, the meaning is basically the same. We won a championship. That’s the opposite of mismanagement. Have fun staring at this photo of us celebrating as you weep into your bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats.

For the record, I do not know that Ross Perot Jr. eats Frosted Mini Wheats for breakfast. I do know, however, that the lawsuit he filed is about to be tossed out of court faster than you can say “Franklin & Bash.”

Sorry, Perot family. Looks like another loss.

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Soon Maloofs will own just 2% of the Palms

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

Shocking report in Saturday’s Sacramento Bee. According to documents filed with the Nevada Gaming Control Board, the Maloof family is in the midst of a deal that will significantly decrease their holding in the Palms casino in Las Vegas.

And by significantly decrease, I mean take it below 5 percent. The details, courtesy of Bee reporter Dale Kasler:

The Maloof family will soon own just 2 percent of the Palms Casino, its trendy Las Vegas property, according to regulatory documents filed in Nevada.

The revelation comes just days after George Maloof, who runs the resort and is a co-owner of the Sacramento Kings, confirmed that his family had given up majority control of the casino and hotel, on which it spent about half a billion dollars over the past decade. At the time, he would not specify the size of the family’s remaining ownership stake.

In an interview late Thursday, Maloof said the family could regain a more significant share – up to 20 percent – under buyback options granted by the creditors who are taking control.

The Maloofs’ most recognizable asset is, of course, the Sacramento Kings. But the Palms is a massive part of their identity. The casino was their trump card, their badge of cool. They developed strategic friendships, including relationships with Michael Phelps and Mark Sanchez, based on it. They even filmed a Carl’s Jr. commercial in it.

The $6,000 Hardee’s burger. The fans in Sac weren’t too happy about that one.

Now an era is coming to an end. The Maloofs may remain the face of the Palms, but financially it will belong to creditors. Specifically, TPG Capital and Leonard Green & Partners.

The family is framing this deal as a good thing, an erasure of debt burden. Really, though, it’s just another sign that the Maloof kingdom is crashing down, brick by brick. What’s that quote about families rising and falling in America? That’s Scorsese, right?

As long as the Playboy club is around, I don’t care who owns the Palms. I just hope the Maloofs don’t drag the Kings down on their way to the bottom.

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Ricky Rubio gets celebrity welcome in Minnesota

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

He showed up looking more like a bearded Jim Caviezel than a member of the Beatles, but Ricky Rubio got a rock star welcome anyway upon his arrival in Minnesota. A crowd of about 200 fans and media members greeted the 20-year-old Spanish sensation as he exited the airport.

Rubio was happy to shake hands and sign autographs (even if they were autographs for blatant memorabilia hounds, like the guy in the red Texas Rangers hat). See video below.

What exactly he’ll be able to do for the Timberwolves on the court is an unknown at this point, but the attention Rubio is garnering among fans is certainly a positive for the franchise. In other words, David Kahn finally did something right for a change.

Assist, SB Nation.

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Kevin Durant goes ham with off-the-backboard Drew League dunk

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

Kevin Durant! So vicious. Somewhere Tracy McGrady is grinning at this one.

For those unfamiliar with the Drew League, it’s a competitive summer league based in Los Angeles. Paul Pierce, Baron Davis and Brandon Jennings are among the NBA stars who have competed there in the past. For a full history of Drew League, click here.

“Go Ham” is the name of Durant’s summer league team if you’re interested why it’s on the back of his jersey.

Assist, I am a GM.

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The Cavs are taking Kyrie Irving No. 1 overall

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

Well, that takes the mystery out of things.

The Cleveland Cavaliers, who had previously been coy about their intentions for the No. 1 overall pick, announced Monday that they’ll be taking Duke point guard Kyrie Irving over Arizona forward Derrick Williams in Thursday’s draft.

From ESPN.com:

The Cavaliers, after taking the temperature of the Timberwolves and Jazz to see if Kyrie Irving could somehow fall to No. 4 in Thursday’s NBA draft, are now committed to the former Duke guard as the No. 1 pick and are fielding offers for the fourth pick, league sources said Monday.

In a perfect world for the Cavs, they would draft Irving and former Arizona forward Derrick Williams, which is why they were also interested in dealing for the second pick.

Analysts often refer to the early stages of the draft as psychological warfare, with team executives doing everything they can — including feeding misinformation to the media — to mask their intentions. This doesn’t feel like a ploy, though. Given what’s happened this year in Cleveland, the last thing the organization wants to do is deceive its fans. And this would be deception of the highest order.

So, it’s Kyrie Irving and, most likely, Enes Kanter — Kanter is in Cleveland for a second workout as we speak — for the Cavs. Not exactly the talent-maximizing gamble I was hoping for (Williams and Brandon Knight would have been the better play in my opinion). But Irving will definitely be a good NBA player for years to come.

As for Williams, he’s likely to land in Minnesota, according to the same ESPN report. The Timberwolves reportedly have no interest in trading Michael Beasley or Anthony Randolph, creating a logjam of talent at the forward positions. Oh well, I’m sure David Kahn will won’t figure it out.

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John Wall bounces ceremonial first pitch

Posted on June 18, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

The criteria for throwing a good opening pitch are fairly straight forward: get the ball over the plate and don’t bounce it. There’s a lot of leeway. You can balloon the ball,  rifle it, throw it like a shot put, whatever. As long as you don’t pull a Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn or short arm the thing, you’re good.

Unfortunately, John Wall violated Golden Rule No. 2 at a Nationals game this weekend. As you can see below, the results weren’t pretty.

Somebody get that guy a pitching coach.

Assist, The Big Lead.

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Dirk Nowitzki lovingly butchers ‘We Are the Champions’

Posted on June 16, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

I don’t think Queen intended these vocals for shaggy-haired Germans with Texas accents, but whatever. Dirk’s a champion. Let him celebrate as he likes.

Happy early birthday to Dirk, by the way. He turns 33 on Sunday.

Assist, Ball Don’t Lie.

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DeShawn Stevenson has trouble handling his liquor, arrested for public intoxication

Posted on June 15, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

Apparently, post-Finals festivities were too much for DeShawn Stevenson. The Mavericks forward was arrested Tuesday night in Irving, Texas after he was found bombed out of his mind, wandering around an apartment complex.

From Fox News:

Irving police arrested Dallas Mavericks guard DeShawn Stevenson Tuesday night for public intoxication when they say they found him wandering disoriented in an apartment complex.

Officers got the call about an intoxicated person at the Grand Venetian apartments at 6201 Love Drive about 10:30 p.m.

When police showed up, they spoke with Stevenson, who apparently did not know where he was.

The Grand Venetian apartments ain’t exactly the Venetian in Las Vegas, but, hey, to each his own, right?

According to the Fox report, Stevenson was held in jail overnight and released Wednesday morning at 5:30 a.m.

I can’t imagine Stevenson’s pregnant wife is too pleased with this development, but somewhere LeBron James is probably chuckling to himself.

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Top 10 plays of the 2011 NBA Finals

Posted on June 14, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

Sure, the Heat had the best highlights of the Finals in terms of athleticism: LeBron’s monster dunks, Wade’s behind-the-back drive, Wade’s block on Tyson Chandler. But it’s tough to beat Dirk’s game-winning shots for dramatic intensity. Tough to beat the results, too. The Larry O’Brien Trophy is a damn fine trump card.

Read here for my full analysis of the Finals.

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Nate Robinson likes to pee in public just like the rest of us

Posted on June 10, 2011 by Patrick Crawley

Look, we’ve all been there. It’s late. You’ve had a few drinks. There aren’t any bathrooms open. All of the sudden the side of a building seems like a great place to get your Adam Sandler on.

Peeing in public is a fact of life. It’s going to happen. Not all of us get caught like Nate Robinson, though.

The diminutive point guard was arrested for public urination early Friday morning when New York cops caught him draining the lizard outside a Barnes & Noble at 2 a.m.

According to lohud.com.

[Robinson] was taken Police Headquarters where he was issued a ticket charging him with a public urination violation. Robinson was released on $100 bail and is due in City Court on June 22. The violation normally carries a $50 fine. Police said he gave a Seattle, Wash., address.

Fifty dollars seems like a reasonable fine for guiding your stream into a public area. It’s gross and it has to be cleaned up. I get that. That $100 bail charge is laughable, though. What’s Nate Rob going to do? Flee the country and not pay his public urination fee? The guy makes $4 million a year.

Robinson’s arrest ranks low on the totem pole of NBA-related crimes. I’m still holding out hope for a peeing in public PSA, though. Hi, I’m Nate Robinson of the NBA’s Oklahoma City Thunder, and I’m here to talk to you about public urination. Next time you’re loaded and thinking about drunk pissing on that Chipotle on the corner, don’t. It’s not cool. They’ll throw you in jail and make you pay money. Now where’s that free lunch they promised me? I’m hungry. #wordapp

We can only hope.

Assist, I am a GM.

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